I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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