How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize