I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
