I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
