There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
