Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
