dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
