dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize