I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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