I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize