Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.

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(330): View more from Ohio

This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.

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(954): View more from Florida

He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.

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(416): View more from Toronto

I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".

(416): View more from Toronto

That's about an "8" on normal scales.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping

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