What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
