Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
