I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Randomize
