I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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