Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Someone came in the potted fern
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
