I want to walk on stilts...naked
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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