i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
