I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
