my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
