The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
