Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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