shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize