Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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