im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
