someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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