I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
