I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize