I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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