that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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