Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize