You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
