Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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