I'd wear matching sweaters with you
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
