My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
two words...techno handjob
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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