I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
