THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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