his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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