Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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