Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
