Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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