Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
