i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
