she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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