You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
