i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
