you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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