So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That's how pantless uber rides happen
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize