thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
