'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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