I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
