I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
