you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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