you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
