she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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