12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
