HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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