Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
