How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
