Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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