So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So much rum. So many feels.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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