how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize