anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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