At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My balls are so social today.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
