...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
