Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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