her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
