I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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