Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
