as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
