Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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