Four minutes until I can fart!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
