I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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