My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
