We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
