you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize