you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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