Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize