I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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