just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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