she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
