Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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