Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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