After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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