my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
