there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
